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Life is so overwhelming to me lately. The walls seem to be closing in from all angles. First on the list is my inability to sleep. and when i finally do its only after dawn scares me back off to bed. Not that my eyes aren't burning read fro lack of sleep all night... its just i can never seem to slow down my thoughts.... and adding so many stresses to the kettle only ever makes it worse. I'm, as usual, ill prepared for my up coming show in dc (crafty bastards) and have suddenly faced the reality of needing to lay down huge sums of money all at once (i realized i have only 10 days left) for multiple shows table fees... i just don't have $1000 dollars to throw around all of time. We live on so little, and really i have no problem with that, I'm just not such a good planner, and somehow this slipped my mind this time. Ive also got to calculate weather driving all the way to Chicago will drain away any profit Id make at the Christmas show anyway.... I really just want to skip it this year and try to find something closer. We'll see what happens i guess. I always feel that I'm letting someone down in most of my decisions. Sometimes its hard to convince myself to just do whats best for me. whatever that is. I guess Ive got a lot of nights of budgeting ahead of me right soon. And I'm not looking froward to it one bit. I just hate money... and i dot even want more of it. Then i would just be in the same spot with even bigger bills, that's how it works. I want to live a life that revolves less around the need for money and more around life itself. That way i can finally work on bettering myself and the lives of those around me. Lately i really just wish i could crawl in a hole and hide.