my journy

It appears that I have bathed in dirt and have tracked mud through the newly cleaned kitchen... Oh well...

I tore out all of the corn, cucumbers, zucchini, pumpkins, and potatoes... I don't think it was quite time for the potatoes yet... but I had allowed the plants to wither in the heat and I didn't want the spuds to rot in the ground... I only got about 13 pounds of mixed sizes and colors.... Ill do better next year (as i always seem to convince myself)...

I've got tons of Christmas speckled beans on the vines and noticed several yellow brittle wax beans (i think?) on its vines this morning... Still just the one scarlet runner bean which i cant recall if i mentioned yesterday....

Now i just want to close my eyes...

I have to go to a dinner with two young ladies and an equally aged fellow (equal to me that is) this evening... These things frighten me to pieces. Social anxiety rears its ugly head often in my life... Its my main struggle. Prevents me from living fully most times... A debilitater of near epic proportion. I am a confident person. At least as far as who I am is concerned... But my social abilities are quite another sad sad story. debilitating, what a rough word. But my anxieties are nothing less.... paralyzing.

I get sick of it. But drudge on. what else can I do?